Which Dating App Red Flags Should You Take Seriously?
A profile alone rarely tells you whether someone is safe. The pattern that develops after a match may reveal more, if you pay attention to certain signals.
Nofziger considers one major warning sign to be pressure to leave the dating platform early on. A match may say they are closing their account because they like you so much, then ask to continue through another messaging service. This could make you believe that they’re serious about fostering a connection, but Nofziger and Dr. Zytko have seen how that move removes the conversation from the app’s monitoring, blocking and reporting tools.
Unusually intense intimacy deserves attention, too. A person may quickly disclose a devastating loss, describe themselves as a widowed parent, or use romantic language that feels far ahead of the relationship.
Real people have painful histories and sometimes fall quickly. Often Nofziger suggests, the concern comes from the combination: fast emotional closeness, pressure to move off the app, repeated excuses for avoiding an in-person meeting—and, eventually, a request for help.
A match who claims to live nearby but is always working overseas fits another pattern Nofziger hears often. So does someone who repeatedly agrees to meet but invents a new emergency each time.
The clearest line is money. A stolen wallet, injured child, broken work equipment or urgently needed plane ticket may sound like a temporary crisis. A suggestion that you invest in cryptocurrency may be framed as an opportunity rather than a request. Nofziger says either should end the conversation when it comes from someone you only know online.
Can You Verify That a Match Is Who They Claim to Be?
Searching a match’s name, reviewing an established social media presence and conducting a reverse-image search can expose obvious inconsistencies—to a certain extent. A photo connected to multiple names, for example, is a strong reason to stop communication.
That said, a search that reveals nothing suspicious is not proof that the person is genuine.
“A lot of people are very confident in their strategies [to filter out scammers], but from an objective point of view, they are far from foolproof,” says Douglas Zytko, PhD, an associate professor at the University of Michigan-Flint who leads research in online dating and consent. “The most common description we’ll get is, ‘I can just sense it.’”
People may believe they can recognize a fake profile because the pictures look too polished or the messages sound robotic. Dr. Zytko tells MyLifetime those judgements are unreliable, and generative AI has made them even less useful. In his research with more than 100 online daters, users described relying on their own instincts to discern photos or messages that turned out to be AI-generated. Those users trusted their judgment despite having no trusted or standardized method to filter out the shady profiles.
It’s a fair point that AI use does not always signal danger. Someone may use it to correct grammar or express a genuine thought more clearly. But it can also create photos, write flirtatious messages or automate an entire conversation, allowing someone to present a personality that does not reflect who they are offline.
That is why online chemistry should not substitute for meeting. As Nofziger puts it: “Have you ever sat across from them in a crowded cafe and held their hand and shared a cup of coffee?” Until then, she says, they are not someone with whom you can have any degree of true familiarity.
Also, meeting in person is not proof that someone will be honest or safe. It simply gives you more information that a long online exchange cannot.
Before meeting, avoid sharing your home address, precise location or place of employment. Dr. Zytko says women in his research often were wise to choose date locations away from their homes and refused offers to be picked up. This way, a new match would not learn where they lived.
Keep Social Security numbers, bank details and other financial information private. Never let an online match use your account, receive money through you or persuade you to buy gift cards, cryptocurrency, phones or other items. Keep in mind that even if you unwittingly participate in a financial transaction that’s against the law, you can be implicated legally.
Intimate images also require caution. Nofziger says scammers may persuade someone to send an explicit photo, then threaten to share it unless the person pays them. Someone who shares a private image is never responsible for another person’s decision to exploit it. Still, once an image is sent, the sender can no longer control where it goes.
How Can You Make a First Date Safer?
No set of precautions can guarantee another person will behave appropriately, and responsibility for harassment, assault or other harm always belongs to the person who causes it. A few practical steps can give you more control and a clearer way to leave.
Meet in a public place and arrange your own transportation. “Always, always share the details of the date with a trusted person, whether it’s a friend or a family member, so they know where you are and when you’re expected home,” Dr. Zytko adds.
It’s not just for rom-coms: some women in his research were smart to create a code word or ordinary-sounding phrase they could text if they needed help. A friend could then call with a prearranged emergency, giving them a reason to leave without directly confronting someone whose response they could not predict.
A match who pushes to pick you up, changes the location at the last minute or suggests continuing the date somewhere private is asking you to give up protections you deliberately put in place. You do not owe them that accommodation.
You are also allowed to leave because you feel uncomfortable, even if you cannot explain why. You do not have to finish the date or protect the other person from disappointment at the expense of your safety.
What If Your Date Assumes Flirting Means More?
Flirting can make an online connection feel exciting and help a first date seem less awkward. It does not obligate you to be physically intimate once you meet.
You can exchange suggestive messages, send a playful photo or talk openly about sex and still decide that you want to slow down, keep the date platonic or leave altogether. You are also allowed to change your mind at any point, including after kissing or agreeing to another form of physical contact.
Dr. Zytko has heard from dating-app users who interpreted cues such as a winking emoji or bikini profile picture as advance permission for sexual activity.
“They’re interpreting these indirect signals online as irrefutable evidence of permission,” he says.
Dr. Zytko recommends having a deliberate conversation about expectations before meeting. That could be as simple as saying, “I’m looking forward to meeting, but I like to take the physical side slowly,” or, “Let’s see how we connect in person without putting pressure on the evening.”
Those conversations may reduce misunderstandings, but Dr. Zytko cautions that they’re not guarantees of safety. Some people in his research interpreted an invitation to discuss expectations as another sign of sexual interest. What you wanted while messaging may also not be what you want once you are sitting across from someone—and you never need a better reason than that.
What Should You Do If You Suspect a Scam?
Our experts suggest you stop communicating and report the account to the platform. Save message and payment information rather than immediately deleting the conversation.
If you sent money, shared banking credentials or provided identifying information, contact your financial institution and report the incident to law enforcement. Nofziger emphasizes that the person in this situation is the victim of a crime, not someone who should feel ashamed for trusting another person.
The AARP Fraud Watch Network Helpline is available at 877-908-3360. It is free, and callers do not need to be AARP members. Nofziger oversees the nationwide service, which supports people who have experienced a scam or are concerned that an interaction may be fraudulent.
If someone is threatening to distribute an intimate image, cut off contact and report the threat to the platform and law enforcement. Help is available, and the person making the threat is responsible for the crime.
Online dating is meant to create an opportunity to find someone you can trust to partner with in your life, not require you to surrender control of it. “Remind yourself of why you went on there,” Nofziger says. “That was to be able to share your life with someone, not to become someone’s bank account and have someone manipulate you in this way.”
Protecting that may mean allowing trust to develop more slowly than attraction.
